Before the Morning

Thursday, December 4, 2003... Karen took me to the hospital that afternoon. It was about 5:00 p.m. by the time.we got there and completed all of the admission paperwork. Looking back now, I realize that I was in a state of shock. Little did I know what was in store for me. I was placed in a room for pre-admitting. This is the place where they poked every needle possible into my pitiful veins, asked a million questions and had nurses come in just to meet me because "I have never had a patient with Myasthenia Gravis before."  Karen left to go to my house, take care of my dog and get me some clothes. She also had the job of calling Todd. I remember the feeling of loneliness flooding me as I lay in the hospital bed. Everything was white. The room was white. The bed clothes were white. I was wearing a beautiful hospital gown that was all white. The nurses came in and out of the room periodically but mostly I was alone for what seemed like an eternity. I didn't feel scared just so alone. I finally got up to my hospital room about 7:30 and met Gina. She was my first hospital nurse.

By this time, Karen was back. Becky and Janet had also arrived at the hospital and Todd was making his 3 hour drive back from the university. Gina came in with a pill. Dr. K had prescribed a pill for me to take. I told Gina that there was no way I could swallow that pill. She said Dr. K told her he didn't think that I could so I would have to wait until the morning. Gina said that the pill was a "miracle" pill for someone with MG. It is Mestinon. She said it would help my swallowing and speech. I would finally be able to have something to eat and drink for the first time since Sunday. I knew that I would not be able to swallow the pill. Gina had an idea but wanted to check first. She came back in just a few minutes with information from the pharmacist. He said that I could place the pill under my tongue and let it melt. He had no idea how bad it might taste but it would work that way. I didn't care how bad it might taste compared to the promise that it would help me to swallow and talk. I placed it under my tongue and within 20 minutes my speech had returned to normal, I could chew and I could swallow. Gina was my new hero!! It was a miracle.

A really big event occurred the next morning. I had 2 scrambled eggs with bacon. It was delicious! AND it was hospital food. I didn't care. It was the first thing I had eaten in 5 days. This was the first time I remember the dark before the morning. These are the words to the chorus of my current favorite song. It is called The Dark Before the Morning by Josh Wilson. If you don't know this song, I hope you will watch it on You Tube.

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
that you still have a reason to sing,
cause the pain that you've been feeling
can't compare to the joy that's coming.

so hold on you've got to wait for the light,
press on just fight the good fight
because the pain that you've been feeling
is just the dark before the morning.

I want to say a HUGE thank you to all of my bloggy friends for following my posts. It has been fun to have people click follow. I am feeling a sense of release in writing my experiences. I never considered myself as someone who would journal but I do consider myself a blogger.