I'm FINE

Why is it that many times instead of saying what I want or need I either keep my mouth shut or say I am fine? Everyone knows what fine means anyway. FINE Frustrated Insecure Neurotic and Exhausted Those words have definitely described living with MG. One day while I was in the hospital I was feeling exceptionally FINE. Todd was at work during the day and I only saw him for a while at night. He was working 6 days a week, then driving 30 minutes to another town to see me in the hospital. He was burning the candle at both ends. Those days and nights were long and lonely. On this day one of my friends came to visit me. She was there about 20 minutes when she decided to leave. I was sitting in a chair by the bed when she got up to go. She looked at me and commented that I looked  "sad". Sad was her word. She had me get up and get back in the bed because I didn't look as "sad" when I was in the bed.  It was one of those times when I felt so alone. She asked me how I was doing as she left and I replied, "I'm fine."  Inside I was screaming "Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone right now". But I didn't say it. I said, "Fine".

It has always been hard for me to ask for help. I am strong and independent! I can do it for myself. I don't need help. One of God's lessons for me in this journey is that it is ok to ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness or a sign that I am not capable or independent. One day my friend, Janet, was trying to help me with grocery shopping. I was out of the hospital on a short hiatus and could not drive. I told Janet that I was fine (!!) and could wait for Todd to get off work. She made a comment to me that helped me change my way of thinking. Janet is so wise. She told me that when I did not allow someone to help me that I was denying the other person a blessing. Helping someone else blesses the person who is helping as much and sometimes even more than the person who is receiving the help. I never thought of it that way. Now, when I need help and someone offers to help me, I try to accept with humble gratefulness. I say "Thank you".  "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:10