Breathtaking

Seeing the sunrise over the ocean is breathtaking. The first time I saw Todd was breathtaking. Todd's first smile and the first time he wrapped his tiny fingers around mine was breathtaking. Being with my mother as she struggled with cancer at the end of her life was breathtaking. Loving a grandchild is breathtaking. Being told in the hallway at the hospital that my Daddy had died was breathtaking. Loneliness is breathtaking. The sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for me is breathtaking. I have seen and experienced some breathtaking things. Today, MG is breathtaking. He literally takes my breath away and not in a good way. He sits on my chest and breathes his fire on me. It has been very humid here lately. The humidity hits me in the face when I walk to the mailbox or to get in my car. It is a reminder to me that I must take care of myself. I have to take it easy and be respectful to MG even if MG is not respectful to me. I thank God that He is the giver of breath to me. I thank God that I am able to drive my car today. I thank God that he gives me the breathtaking opportunities with my grandson. I think...let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

"The Spirit of God has made me, And the breath of the Almighty gives me life." Job 33:4

Breathless

I was on the ventilator for a couple of days until I was strong enough to use a CPAP machine. It was better than the vent but I still felt claustrophobic. At least I didn't fight the CPAP and didn't have to be sedated. I wanted to breathe better. The Respiratory Therapist (RT) gave me a spirometer to help me practice inhaling and exhaling. It tested my breathing and I watched the numbers like a hawk. I didn't do well at first with the spirometer. After a couple of days, I did well on breathing in but was terrible on breathing out. The RT kept encouraging me but I just could not do it. Dr. K was stumped by why I had so much trouble exhaling. My breathing was labored and any exertion of any kind left me breathless. MG impacts breathing but my breathing problems were more than just the effects of MG. By this time, I was mostly using just oxygen and didn't have to use the CPAP or the vent. I was still getting PE (Plasma Exchange) every 2 - 3 days and that helped my breathing, also. It was about 2 months after my surgery when I found out why I was struggling to exhale and my breathing was labored. I had numerous upper respiratory infections when I left the hospital. I made dozens of trips back to the hospital during the first year of my diagnosis.During one of those hospital stays, Dr. M and Dr. K decided that I needed a CAT scan to determine what was happening with my breathing and why it was not improving.

The results of the CAT scan showed that my left lung was not working properly. When Dr. R did the surgery he was so concerned about the tumor that he wanted to be sure to get it all. In working to get all of the tumor and the "fingers" that were attached to the lining of my heart my phrenic nerve had been damaged and my left lung was paralyzed. That explained why I could not exhale.

I still struggle with my breathing and always will. The phrenic nerve doesn't regenerate so the damage is permanent. Todd told me once that there can be no testimony without the test. I think of that often and know that I will praise Him in this storm. "Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD." Psalm 150:6