Living with an Invisible Illness

"You look totally fine!" she said to me, "You don't look sick." All I could think of is that is one reason MG is called an invisible illness. The conversation opened an opportunity for her to share with me about her invisible illness. She is only 29 years old and has symptoms that have not been diagnosed. She shared with me that she has thoughts of wanting to be in Heaven. She said her family gets so angry with her when she makes comments like that and she feels like she doesn't have anyone to talk to or anyone who understands what she is experiencing. I had the opportunity to share with her that I have said and feel the same way. It doesn't mean at all that I am suicidal or don't want to live. For me, it means that I am ready to meet my Lord when He says my time here is over.

It is challenging to live in a body that doesn't work like my brain wants it to anymore. It is challenging to want to do things that I can't do. Last night I decided to boil eggs to make egg salad. That just sounded so good to me. So, I boiled 3 eggs, let them cool and put them in the refrigerator to make eggs today. I found the other 9 eggs still on the counter this morning where I left them 16 hours earlier. NO EGGS for breakfast. I WANT my eggs for breakfast. I decided that I would go to the grocery store to buy a carton of eggs. The problem is there is 22 inches of snow in my yard right now. I would need to get some of the snow away from the garage door so that I could open and close it safely. I couldn't lift the shovel with the snow in it. It was terribly frustrating. I stood in my garage remembering the winter before I got sick shoveling my driveway and barely breaking a sweat. I stood in my garage feeling sorry for myself, feeling sad that the invisible MG lives with me and thinking how much I wanted my eggs. A split second later, I realized how blessed I am. I have a garage. I have a car in the garage. The car has gasoline in it. I have a nice house. It is warm and safe. I don't have to worry about being safe in my neighborhood or my town. I have a wonderful son, daughter in love and the most beautiful grandson in the world. I have lots of friends who care about me. I am a child of God. I am blessed!

Thank you, God, for the blessing of MG. Thank you for providing the opportunity for me to share about You through this challenge. Thank you that you love me. I am ready to see You when I have completed what You have planned for me here. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11