Smoke and Mirrors

Sometimes I get tired of hearing myself talk about MG. It is a challenge for those of us with invisible illnesses. I felt exhausted today. I know that not having my IVIG for 5 weeks is beginning to take its toll on my strength. I had several people tell me today how great I look and that I must be doing better because I look great. All I could think of is, "If I look great today how bad I have looked in the past few weeks!?!" :/ Finally someone asked me how I felt today. I didn't say anything I just looked at her and smiled. She stated, "You look great! How do you feel?" All I could think to say is, "It is all smoke and mirrors". I put on makeup, got dressed and went out today. I didn't stay out long but I did make myself go. I think that was a victory for me.

I feel guilty when I don't feel good and even more guilty if I complain. I think that I feel sorry for myself and I know that is not healthy for me. When I was working, I heard Mamie McCullough speak. One of my favorite quotes from her was to "fake it til you feel it". That is precisely what I am going to do. I am going to put on my makeup, especially my smile makeup, and get up and go. When I absolutely can't go, I can still wear my smile and have a heart of good cheer. I remember I am blessed. I am a child of God. "A happy heart makes a face cheerful."  Proverbs 15:13