Healing

Yesterday I drove the 30 miles to the dealership to pick up my car. I didn't drive it home. It is officially really sick. That is a post for tomorrow perhaps. I met with the man who sold my car to me while I was there. I was having some trouble with my breathing today. Some of it was doing a lot (for me) of walking and some of it was the stress I was feeling over my sick car. Anyway, I shared with him that I have a neuromuscular autoimmune disorder called myasthenia gravis. He told me that I should stop saying that I have MG because God will not heal me unless I have faith and claim it. He said that if I truly have faith and believe it then God promises to heal me totally. So, I must stop saying that I have MG, claim that He will heal me and if I have enough faith then I will be healed. It is a conversation that I have thought about a lot. I told him that I totally believe that God does perform miracles and that He can heal me in an instant. I asked him how he thinks praying for healing impacted Paul. After all, Paul prayed for his thorn to be removed from him but Paul was not healed. Paul says he learned to be content with whatever circumstances. It seemed like I was being told that I have MG because I don't have enough faith. I know that God has used MG to teach me so many lessons. I don't feel like I am being punished by God because I have MG. I know that I am loved and a Child of God. As I reflect on the total conversation, I pray that I said what God would have me say and that I acted the way that God would have me to act.

The Little Things in Life

The little things in life have become more important to me the older I become. Today I am counting some of my little thing blessings. They are things that I could live without but that bring me joy.
1. Blogging - it has been fun for me to connect to writing. One of my goals is to write a children's book. I hope that practicing on my blog may help me to reach that goal one day.
2. My garage door opener-I totally love being able to drive my car in the garage and close the door.
3. Facebook- reconnecting with friends I have not heard from in years from college and from high school is fun!
4. the local dog bakery- they make the best peanut butter cookies for my two doggies. Bella always asks me for a cookie when I bring the crinkly bag home.
5. my new IPhone- it is definitely a smart phone and much smarter than I am but it is fun. I think one of my favorite things about my IPhone is pushing the weather button. I think I am becoming a weather freak.

On days like yesterday when all of the stuff happens, counting my little blessings helps me keep life in perspective. Thank you, Lord, for blessing my life with so many little things to count!

More Stuff

When I open my car and sit down in the driver's seat I get a message that says, "Welcome". It is so pleasant to be loved by my car. Last Thursday morning, I got in my car to go to an appointment. I put my key in the ignition and looked at the dash board. There was no "Welcome" message. It was black. My battery was as dead as a door nail. It didn't make a sound at all when I turned the key. I sat there thinking "OH GREAT!! Now what?!? This is just more stuff for me to manage." The next thought was, "Thank you, Lord, that this happened in my garage and not while I was out of town yesterday and driving all over the place."  I called a friend and asked her to come get me. THANK YOU CRYSTAL. She took me to my appointment and waited for me. After the appointment, she called her husband to meet us at my house. He jumped the battery. THANK YOU, JUSTIN. Crystal followed me to Wal-Mart where I left my car. Todd picked me up when he got off work and took me back to Wal-Mart to pick up my car with a brand new battery. YEA! There were no problems all weekend. I did errands, went out to the movie, went to dinner and babysit my precious Lboy yesterday.

You can probably guess where this story is going...Today I went to the infusion clinic. It was a crazy day again today. The noise was so loud in there that I had difficulty reading my book. I read the same paragraph so many times and could not remember one thing from what I read. There are some very ill people in the clinic. It was too loud! Some of the nurses were even making comments about the noise. One of the patients was singing at the top of his lungs. It was not good judgment for him to be singing in the infusion clinic environment. More stuff to manage. My IVIG went pretty well. I had several heat flashes during the infusion. My face and neck turned red and I became so hot I could not cool down. Stuff...but small stuff.

All I could think is I want to go home where it is quiet and calm. My only stress at home is which dog is going to sit on which side of my lap. I put the key in the ignition...DEAD!! My battery, the new one I just bought last Thursday, was DEAD!! Now this is STUFF! I called the tow service and the service department where I bought my car. The service manager said if I could get there he had a loaner car I could drive while they fix my car. The tow service arrived and jumped my car. When I put my car in reverse to back out I heard a loud whooshing sound. HUH? I am not sure what that was. I pulled out of the parking lot and off I went 30 miles away to the dealership. They checked me in and gave me a loan car to drive. STUFF! On the drive home, I was listening to the radio when the following song came on the radio. It helped to put things in perspective for me. I finally got home to some peace and quiet. I remember that the stuff is teaching me the lessons that God wants me to learn. After all, it is just stuff! May God bless your day and may all of your stuff bless you.

This Is The Stuff :

Francesca Battistelli

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

Unknown

This weekend some friends and I went to see the new Liam Neeson movie, Unknown. The main part of the story is about a man who does not know who he is. I thought it was an interesting movie and made me think about our identities. We are many things and hold many titles in our busy lives. I am a mother, friend, teacher, helper, counselor, grandmother among many other things. The one identity that I am the most grateful for is I am a child of God.

There are days I feel discouraged and exhausted. Some days I feel sick and MG is very pesky. But everyday I count my greatest blessing is having a relationship with Jesus Christ. I may be unknown in this world. I may feel lonely and scared. But I am a loved child of God waiting to spend eternity with Him.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"  1 John 3:1

Living with an Invisible Illness

"You look totally fine!" she said to me, "You don't look sick." All I could think of is that is one reason MG is called an invisible illness. The conversation opened an opportunity for her to share with me about her invisible illness. She is only 29 years old and has symptoms that have not been diagnosed. She shared with me that she has thoughts of wanting to be in Heaven. She said her family gets so angry with her when she makes comments like that and she feels like she doesn't have anyone to talk to or anyone who understands what she is experiencing. I had the opportunity to share with her that I have said and feel the same way. It doesn't mean at all that I am suicidal or don't want to live. For me, it means that I am ready to meet my Lord when He says my time here is over.

It is challenging to live in a body that doesn't work like my brain wants it to anymore. It is challenging to want to do things that I can't do. Last night I decided to boil eggs to make egg salad. That just sounded so good to me. So, I boiled 3 eggs, let them cool and put them in the refrigerator to make eggs today. I found the other 9 eggs still on the counter this morning where I left them 16 hours earlier. NO EGGS for breakfast. I WANT my eggs for breakfast. I decided that I would go to the grocery store to buy a carton of eggs. The problem is there is 22 inches of snow in my yard right now. I would need to get some of the snow away from the garage door so that I could open and close it safely. I couldn't lift the shovel with the snow in it. It was terribly frustrating. I stood in my garage remembering the winter before I got sick shoveling my driveway and barely breaking a sweat. I stood in my garage feeling sorry for myself, feeling sad that the invisible MG lives with me and thinking how much I wanted my eggs. A split second later, I realized how blessed I am. I have a garage. I have a car in the garage. The car has gasoline in it. I have a nice house. It is warm and safe. I don't have to worry about being safe in my neighborhood or my town. I have a wonderful son, daughter in love and the most beautiful grandson in the world. I have lots of friends who care about me. I am a child of God. I am blessed!

Thank you, God, for the blessing of MG. Thank you for providing the opportunity for me to share about You through this challenge. Thank you that you love me. I am ready to see You when I have completed what You have planned for me here. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The Window from Which We Look

A friend sent this story to me in an email. It made me think again about things that we don't see or our perception of things. For me, it is my "invisible illness". Sometimes I watch people out walking or running and grieve the loss of my health or I have to sleep for 14 hours to build up my strength again and miss an entire day. When I was my windows, I realize that God is using my illness to learn many lessons. One of the greatest lessons I am learning is that I don't know what challenges another person is facing. The dirt in my own windows does not allow me to see the clear picture. Dear Lord, please help me show Your loving kindness, understanding and patience to others. I don't know the challenges that they face. Amen

The Window from Which We Look

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast,

The young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said.

"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,

The young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a

Nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:

"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.

I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and

Cleaned our windows."



Belated Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Belated Valentine's Day. I pray that you all had a blessed day and that you embrace the love of our Father in Heaven. 

For God so loVed the world,

                                                                  That He gAve

                                                                        His onLy

                                                                       BegottEn

                                                                            SoN

                      That whosoever

                                                                  Believeth In Him

Should Not perish,

     But have Everlasting life.

John 3:16